Mediocre. Not good enough. Failure. Embarrassing. To me, all these words and phrases kind of mean the same thing. I’ve always associated “mediocre” as a level to NOT strive for. I want to be the best, the hardest worker, the most memorable, and the one who makes everyone proud. So why in the world am I advocating for being a mediocre mom? A mom, arguably the most important job we have, should be the area I strive the hardest in, right?
That depends…
I often have to remind myself that I need to be striving, but striving for the RIGHT things. I need to be striving to be the best mother for MY children, even if that means I’m a mediocre mother in the eyes of the world. If my kids don’t enjoy puzzles, it does not benefit them for me to create the best Pinterest puzzle out there. My social media friends might be impressed, but my child won’t be. If my child needs to be disciplined by a spanking, that may not make me many friends in a group of women who don’t believe in spanking. I might not only be seen as mediocre, but as flat out BAD. Unfit. And Lord knows the last thing we want is to be labeled by another mom as “not good enough.” These are our co-workers in this motherhood gig. Our biggest supporters or our worst critics. And to think of an entire group of peers labeling me as “mediocre” makes me cringe.
But again, who and what do I really need to be striving for? The approval and label of other grown women who will have their opinion about me no matter what, or the good of my children to raise them to be the best member of society they can be? For me, that can often be a hard questions. I mean, I know in my head I want to do what’s best for my kids. But so often it can feel like what’s best for MY kid, is wrong for every other kid. And in turn, feels like I must be failing in motherhood. That just isn’t the truth though. And as a mom, I have to get over myself and do what my kid needs, regardless of what label that may result being put on me.
Currently my almost 4-year old son is going through a “red choice” stage as he calls it. Basically, he makes a whole bunch of wrong choices every day and half the time they are out of nowhere! I can’t even be proactive because I don’t see it coming. Just the other day, we were at the park with friends and everyone was playing nicely. All the sudden, this random lady starts yelling (literally yelling like a maniac) about whose kid is in the stripped shirt because he just kicked her grandson? Guess what my kid was wearing.. a stripped shirt. Ugh. Here we go again. WHY was he kicking some kid? His answer, “I don’t know momma.” Me neither kid, but it’s not ok! As the grandmother proceeds to act like a crazy person yelling, I calmly disciplined my toddler and went about caring for my other child.
It took all I had not to do 1 of 2 things. 1. – Lose it. Completely go off on this woman about yelling at me and my child. Then take up for my child and explain why he actually is a good kid. Or 2. – immediately leave the park from embarrassment that my toddler just made such a poor choice that this lady clearly reflected back on me. Embarrassed, failure, mediocre. All seemed like logical descriptions of my clearly failed attempts to teach my kid how to treat others. Instead, I continued the course, and realized that the last thing my son needed was for me to act like a mother I wasn’t, just to seek approval of another. At the end of the day, who do I really need to be the best for – my own son, or a lady I’ll probably never see again? And why is it so hard for me to remember that sometimes?
As moms, we want to have it all together. We want spotless houses, perfect children, and happy husbands. We want life to be what we always expected it to be before real life actually happened. We want days filled with smiles and lollipops and nights filled with sleep and peace. And on days and nights that neither happen, we can sometimes question where we went wrong. I had a home cooked meal, vacuumed floor, and a really fun activity planned for the day.. so why is my husband still stressed, the kids screaming, and the floor sticky AGAIN?! This is NOT how I saw today going. And it’s in those moments that I have to step back and remember – this is real life. And sometimes life isn’t perfect, it’s mediocre. And that’s completely ok.
If we want to set realistic expectations for our kids of how the real world works, we need to set realistic expectations for ourselves. And some days, mediocre is better than I could have hoped. Some days, I’m just hoping we all survive. And some days, I just need to step back and focus on my kids and what I know is best for them.
So yes, I said it. It’s ok to be mediocre.
It’s ok to be a mediocre mom in the world’s standards if that means you are the best mom for your child.
