When I first found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter I was 25 and I was scared to death. I had no idea what to expect during pregnancy, people weren’t as vocal yet on social media about personal issues, and Pinterest was not around. I remember googling a natural labor and delivery and almost passed out. See if I even see a needle I get light headed so I was really hoping to not have to have an epidural, but I also knew I didn’t actually want to feel what was causing the woman in the video to scream like she walking on pavement in the middle of August in Texas without shoes on.
So eight and a half months passed and after the first few months of being sick and then the last few weeks of being so uncomfortable I was at a place where I think most women get to when we are just ready to be able to breath again.
December 23 around 11pm I started having contractions. I immediately started timing them and after a consistent 30 minutes I was ready to go the hospital for that epidural. We live about 40 miles away from the hospital and even though my water had not yet broke something told me to go ahead and go. A mothers intuition, maybe?
I can remember every single thing about that night. I tried as long as I could not to get an epidural but I also knew there was a window of opportunity and I did not want that window closing! So I gave into the pain around 3am. The nurses brought in all the tools for delivery and as I watched them carefully and meticulously lay them out in preparation a sudden sense of peace washed over me, I was calm. I wasn’t scared. I was ready to meet my precious my little girl.
After a few hours passed I heard from the hall a scream that sent chills up my spine. It wasn’t a scream like the lady walking on hot pavement from the video this was a scream of torture. My mom walked in and said poor girl has to have an emergency c-section, I remember wondering what could have caused that and why was she screaming like that. About that time my water finally broke and a few minutes later the nurses and doctors were busting through my room like a swat team on drug raid. They were ripping cords out of the wall and cutting my gown off, the nurse was on top of me rubbing me down with something I can only remember was the coldest stuff I had ever felt. My husband started crying and immediately left the room with his face as white as a ghost. We were racing down the hall, my mom by my side when the doctor put her hand on her chest and said sorry grandma shes in good hands. The baby was in distress and needed out. I remember the bright lights of the operating room and the echoes of the voices around me. I remember thinking I may die and never get to meet my daughter. THIS. WAS.NOT in the plans. I was supposed to be holding my husbands hand, as he kissed my forhead and we cried together when they handed us our baby. Instead I was holding the anesthesiologists hand and crying out of fear and pain. I remember the doctor finally said “ You have beautiful little girl” and I asked if I could kiss her. After that waking up in the recovery room to be told she was in NICU. THIS.WAS.NOT in the plans. My story ends well bc I have a healthy 10 year old who decided to rope the moon as we tell her and instead of the moon she wrapped the cord 3 times around her neck.
Fast forward 5 years later December 28th. I had had a scheduled c-section for December 29th but I was tired and again that little voice telling me to go on to the hospital even though I was having some contractions it was nothing to even time, I just knew I needed to be at the hospital. After a drama free delivery via Cesarean, we welcomed a feisty little girl into the world. The next morning my doctor came in the room with tears in his eyes and says “ I don’t want to tell you this to scare you but just for you to know how blessed you and your baby are to be here. When I cut you yesterday I always have a little window where I can see the baby and then to proceed to cut and deliver baby, but baby had torn through that and had you gone into full labor, you would have bled out in minutes and would not be here today. So I just want you to be thankful for today.” Once again I was blessed beyond measure and so thankful that God gave me that inner mommy voice and I took the time to listen to her.
I want to encourage you if you are pregnant to listen to that little voice, don’t be embarrassed to go to the hospital sometimes. See, had I waited with my first daughter until my water broke she wouldn’t be here because every time I had a contraction after my water broke it constricted around her neck and we lived to far out to make it to the hospital. If I waited until the next day with my second daughter I wouldn’t be writing this blog today.