January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.
Emily Mills, Founder of Lovely Village shares her story to Waco Moms of what working in outreach to trafficked women taught her about raising confident kids.
Emily created a resource called Confident Kids using Connection, Communication, and Compassion to Safeguard Against Human Trafficking.
There is no such thing as perfect parenting. Can we all say “Amen?”. I get asked a lot if I share the reality of our work at Lovely Village with our kids. Lovely Village is a non-profit and healing community for survivors of sexual exploitation, trauma, and trafficking. Twenty years ago, when my firstborn was one year old, I began reaching out to women in strip clubs. I was clueless about parenting, the sex industry, and human trafficking. There was also a lot I didn’t know about my own story of sexual harm, and when I began outreach that became clearer along the way. I raised my children in proximity to our organization. Hattie (21), Lucy (19) and Gus (15) were not only exposed to people impacted by commercial sexual exploitation, trauma, and trafficking, but were also known and loved by them. In so many ways, our kids and Lovely Village grew up together. Likewise, our kids and women from the industry helped my husband, Brett, and I grow up too.
Somewhere along the way I either heard or made up the phrase “guided exposure” as it pertained to parenting.
To better serve the women we worked with, I attended training conferences to learn more about brain trauma, the body’s adaptation to stress, and the system of commercial sex exploitation. I also attended trainings to educate myself on anti-trafficking, homelessness preventions, and nonprofit leadership. I participated in intensive counseling weekends for women who had survived sexual trauma from Thailand, Australia, Uganda and all over the U.S. Everything I learned was impacting how I parented my young kids.
As you can imagine, the reality of the work I was doing came with holding the world’s worst stories of trauma.
It is easy for people in the anti-trafficking movement to become engulfed by this evil, which can make if difficult to be present for simple joys. In some seasons of my life, this work felt consuming. Certain crisis situations might escalate and take me to a hospital or police call where a woman would need intervention to a mental health facility, rehab, or safe house. My nervous system would sometimes become dysregulated, and I would have to figure out how to step back into my daughter’s volleyball game or dance class.
Secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and burnout are high in our line of work. When parents see the depth of this evil it’s tempting to overprotect or mandate our children to help carry the load to save the world they were never made to save, only serve.
My husband and I knew two things early on in our ministry. We didn’t want our kids to resent our work, or shelter them from the reality of the suffering world. Our goal was to raise our kids to understand their responsibility toward others, but not feel responsible for others. Brett and I desired for our kids to have a realistic view of sexual exploitation, trauma and trafficking, but not to fear a predator lurking around every corner.
There are two things that are equally true: Trafficking exists because traffickers exist AND certain vulnerabilities can make your child an easy target.
The very best prevention against trafficking is a confident kid and that comes from feeling securely connected to a caregiver.
Connection is paramount when it comes to confidence in our kids, and we cannot connect without solid communication. In addition, what is good communication without compassion?
In 2021, I noticed a rise in online exploitation amongst children. I developed a FREE parenting guide called Confident Kids that you can download here.
I break down connection, communication, and compassion as three large grid ideas with tangible action points for specific age groups. This guide is endorsed by survivors across the country, law enforcement, local advocates, and a pediatrician. It’s been a joy and the lesson of a lifetime learning to parent and it doesn’t stop, only changes. And guess what, YOU are just the right person to parent your kid. No matter how many times you’ve messed up, you can begin again. Repair builds confidence because it’s proof of our love. Want your kid to be a trafficker’s worst nightmare? Keep building up their confidence.
Emily Mills is the Founder of Lovely Village, Co-host of Jesus Said Love Podcast, Co-host of the Wacoan: Women of Interest Podcast, and is a Contributing Author for the Wacoan.
