Confessions of an Uncool Mom


So here’s the deal.  I am a happy mom.  I’m forty something and have been married 20+ years and have one boy and one girl.  We have the big house, the dog, the shiplap (instead of the white picket fence).  But here’s my secret.  I AM NOT COOL.  I have some pretty cool friends who are world changers.  They are talented and successful and smart and kind and down-to-earth.  Some are doctors and lawyers and mortgage brokers and rock stars and pastors and dads and moms who are beyond talented and organized and put together.  Some are running non-profits and saving people in the name of Jesus while giving of their time and money in big ways.

I made a list a few years ago about what I thought would be the “perfect” life.  It involved things like this:

-be debt free (school loans are an albatross)
-a house with a pool
-a big backyard
-a fancy kitchen
-the ability to have a housekeeper, weekly car washes, and get my hair highlighted every couple months
-host parties with yummy food and even better beverages
-finally get our passports and travel the world
-be a published author (and travel the world)
-go on a mission trip
-have a wardrobe that doesn’t primarily consist of Old Navy or Gap clothing
-get a graduate level degree

So here’s the truth of what makes me UNCOOL in the eyes of what my social media feed tells me:

-I’m an introvert, so I don’t like to post selfies or Instastories
-we have just under 6-figure school loan debt combined, and I don’t have the graduate degree
-I’m a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t cook amazing meals, pack ultra-nutritious lunches, or fold and put away everyone’s laundry (they all have to help)
-I live in a beautiful Joanna Gaines original home that has mostly secondhand restored furniture and original 1980’s condition bathrooms
-I do not own a single pair of Kendra Scott (or any other pricey) earrings
-I don’t and never have had a passport (only been to Mexico twice when a passport wasn’t necessary)
-I only had a sweet woman clean my house for one year once a month until she suddenly stopped coming (too messy of a house?)
-I’ve had my eyebrows done exactly one time
-On average, I get my hair cut & highlighted 2 maybe 3 times a year
-My car is a filthy pit 95% of the year
-I drink a glass of (cheap) wine maybe 2 nights a week
-Our beds are unmade 99% of the time
-Our floors don’t get mopped as much as they should (back to no paid housecleaner)

I can say I’ve learned some hard lessons that contribute to some of the above.  Take my advice, DON’T get into debt! Having the latest and greatest is so not worth it.  But even more than that, I’ve learned that what I HAVE is not as important as WHO I am.  And not what others say or think I am.  But the TRUTH.  The truth is that most of us are all living similar lies.  It’s good to be honest.  

Social media for the most part doesn’t want the truth of what real struggles are going on for most of us.  

For me, that truth lies in the knowledge that I have higher purpose on this earth.  I desire to love and serve others as a reflection of my beliefs that my God did the same for me.  Sacrificial living is hard, and it hurts.  It’s a day to day struggle, but it is so worth it!

Here’s my challenge to you.  Live YOUR life.  Be thankful and grateful for what you have and live as simply as you can.  Seek excellence over mediocrity. Prioritize the important things and be BOLD in standing up for those things.

Of course, I’m not saying I couldn’t do things differently.  Justification is the best friend of mediocrity.  As a family, we could never cease pruning our schedules and spending.  It’s a continual battle to fight my selfish flesh and just DO the housework; graciously, no one is complaining in my house (about that anyway).  There are a thousand wonderful ways I could be donating my time and money, and it’s not wrong that I don’t promote them all.  I won’t stop using social media (yet). Social media is fun, but it is just THAT – it’s social and it’s media.  The Lord is calling me to a greater identity.  They may not be the ones that stand out on the #hashtag meter, but they are things that are sanctifying me little by little.  And even if you don’t see it posted on my newsfeed, I am standing with you in the circle of the UNCOOL.


  1. Such a great article, Mary! It resonated with me, blessed me and challenged me. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

  2. Thank you for your honesty. I feel this way so often. Your advice is spot on- the debt, the comparison, the expectations will all hinder our calling to some extent and in some cases- completely. It makes me feel better to know that we are all here just trying to be as real as we know how!

  3. I was suppose to see and read this article today! It truly blessed me bc my husband and I were talking about simplifying our life. That’s confirmation to me.

  4. Amen Mary! We have a lot
    Of the same list items. Loved your FU episode by the the way, you all are great. Very sound advice and I am a totally grounded uncool Mom also who is Fabulous! I imagine, just like all of you! ❤️👍🏼

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