The enneagram centers around core fears and desires. The motive behind why we do what we do. Here’s a brief look at each of the numbers and how their fear and desires play into their mothering type.
You will may see yourself in each of the types as we struggle in different areas from time to time. To learn your type take the quiz HERE or HERE.
The first link also introduces the book The Road Back to You by Ian Cron which is a great primer on enneagram (available at the Waco library). The second link I follow on instagram and enjoy her encouraging feed, pointing towards God for growth.
TYPE 1 – the Reformer
This type is the perfectionist and self-controlled type. Type 1’s are principled and idealist with an eye for detail. They have a strong sense of right and wrong. Their core fear is being corrupt/evil which drives them to desiring excellence within and without. When healthy they show up as wise and noble and unhealthy are critical and unaccepting.
These moms give their children security with firm boundaries, consistency and fairness. They establish a strong sense of what is right and wrong as well as teaching their children responsibility.
Area of growth – It would serve 1’s well to try and relax and tap into their playful side, not being overly critical or holding their children to high standards. Orderly houses are good but it’s ok to have a messy bedroom or scattered toys every now and then. Playing with your children is more important. Also it’s beneficial to be ok with other parent’s standard of right and wrong realizing that there is more then one right way.
TYPE 2 – the Helper
They are selfless loving givers; very empathetic, sincere and self-sacrificing. 2’s are warm and friendly; driven to be close to others. Relationships is their highest priority. Their core fear is of being unwanted therefore they desire to love others sacrificially. Their love is healthy when sincere. Unhealthy when it’s a demand.
Type 2 moms are excellent at making their children feel loved and nurtured. Being empathetic they are are good listeners. These moms are so loving, notes in the lunch boxes, buying special thoughtful gifts or doing things for your children that are just what they like. They can take people’s emotional temperature walking into a room.
Area of growth – Being aware when children feel smothered by your love and being overwhelmed by your constant checking in and protection. Giving your children a bit more freedom for independence might be valuable all the while remaining available in case their plans get hairy.
TYPE 3 The Achiever
Achiever mom’s are your type A, goal-oriented,optimistic, competent moms. They somehow get it all done and look great doing it. They are ambitious but can be overly concerned with image. They fear being worthless and desire being successful. At their best self-accepting and authentic and when not so healthy, extreme work-aholics, seeking recognition.
Since type 3’s throw themselves in 110% to tasks, their mothering shows ups the same way. They model for their children that hard work pays off and strive to show their kids a wide variety of activities. Their children will see mom as exceptionally organized and very responsible.
Area of growth – Be alert to the children who don’t enjoy the push to advancement or success. Those kids might find the energy and schedule tiring and like they don’t measure up to moms expectations. Occasionally plan to just relax and be with them – with no pressure to do.
TYPE 4 The Individualist
The individualist type are the most intune with their feelings. They are self-aware, sensitive and creative. They can be upbeat and fun or sink into moody and sentimental periods. Their focus tends to be on what they are missing out on and forget to be in the present with what they actually have. Their core fear is that they’ll have no identity or personal significance and they desire to find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)
Type 4 moms inspire self expression and creativity in their kids. They encourage their children to get in touch with their feelings as these moms themselves are deeply affectionate and care deeply. They enjoy one-on-one time with each child and connecting authentically supporting and cheerleading their child’s own uniqueness. These moms are excellent models of being true to yourself.
Area of growth – Sometimes 4’s can get into a funk in their heads worrying or depressed about something causing the child/ren to feel responsible somehow. Expressing to your kids that your going through a rough patch to reassure them would go a long way. Tap into your emotional thermometer, your natural intuition with your kids to see where they’re at.
TYPE 5 The Investigator
5’s are observant, thoughtful, and cerebral. They love and hoard knowledge so they can face any situation independently and adequately. They are always working on researching a project and less likely to jump at the next social event as that may seem like a waste of time. They value feeling self-sufficient and their core fear is being useless, helpless or incapable. Their basic desire its be capable and competent.
These intellectual mom’s aim to train and teach their children therefore their kids experience learning a broad scope of things from reading books about different horse types, to learning how to plant gardens to studying the stars. Babies and toddlers are taxing on a 5 and very time consuming as they’d rather be researching or working on a detailed project. Older kids are more their jam as she could teach them the many things she knows.
Area of growth – Would benefit from relating to your younger ones with a insightful kindness you already obtain over being strong disciplinarian. Seek to admire your child’s genus and ability to possess knowledge – age appropriately, of course.
TYPE 6 The Loyalist
These are our reliable, hardworking and security-oriented people. Research has shown they are the most popular type. Natural home-makers, warm and friendly. Their core fear is being without support and guidance which leads to problems of self-doubt and suspicion. They desire security. Healthy 6’s are secure and stable, bravely supporting others and themselves.
These mom’s foresee problems in advance which makes them cautious. It also make them great to have around in moments of emergency. 6’s are compassionate, nurturing parents but can be driven by fear worrying about potential danger such as fear of falling, getting hurt, general safety etc. Children of these moms might experience their mothers fears to be confining giving them a view of a world not to be trusted.
Area of growth – Even though your limits you give your children make perfect sense to you they may feel inhibiting to your kids. Developing a sense of safety and security from within by learning to trust God with your fears. As my friend who’s a 6 said, she has to “make a conscious effort to… not get into a tunnel of fear/worry.” Remembering past success serve your mind well.
TYPE 7 The Enthusiast
Enthusiast moms are hungry for fun experiences and exciting ideas. They have trouble saying no to the next new thing on the block and whined up pouring themselves enthusiastically into it. Playful, high-spirited and quick-minded they stay moving and struggle with impulsiveness and impatience. Their core fear is being deprived and in pain and they desire to be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled.
A 7 mom is a lot of fun for her children and entertaining. These Peter Pan mama’s never seem to age and relate well to kids. They are great story tellers and have excellent imaginations. They encourage risk and adventure as something of great value.
Area of growth – Realizing that some children prefer safety and staying at home to frenzy filled activity would benefit your parenting breadth. It’s hard to see that slowing down and engaging in the mundane boring tasks such as dusting, laundry and homework has it’s own rewards so try combining something boring with something fun as a neat little self hack to bring balance.
TYPE 8 The Challenger
These moms are the boss moms. Known to be powerful and confident. Big hearted types fighting tooth and nail for justice or the underdog. They are confrontational and get right to the point. Their core fear is being harmed or controlled by others and they desire to protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)
Having had an 8 mom myself, it was “her way or the high way” most days. I remember her giving choices but ultimately each choice handed her what she wanted. We simply got to pick our poison. Besides that I always felt safe and protected. Type 8 moms are strong advocates for their children dreams and will bend over backwards to help them. I have great memories of mom telling me what I was good at and how to accomplish what I wanted. It was because of her affirmation I became a teacher.
Area of growth – Because you may seem angry or dominating to your children it might be unintentionally scary or intimidating. Be aware of how you may view your children as an extension of yourself and what your child may need looking different then what you’d need. Allow your children to have feelings and needs apart from your own and to be able have space for them to voice it.
TYPE 9 The Peacemaker
Type 9’s are the best laid-back friends and spouses. They are supportive, accepting, and go-along-to-get-along. They want everything to go smoothly and be conflict free. Their core fear is of loss and separation, desiring inner stability “peace of mind”. They struggle with indecision and when frustrated they become stubborn and withdrawn. At their best they bring everyone together and mend conflicts.
9 mom’s provide their children a real feeling of love and acceptance. Their desire for peace is so strong it may come at a cost of avoiding issues that need addressing which leaves the child feeling they’ve lost there support or stability. Sometimes they leave discipling up to the husband.
Area of growth – It’s good to checkin with your fears because children need guidance and discipline and even though it feels harsh or disruptive to the peace, it’s good to stand firm. Be aware of your ability to zone out in your day to day relying on assurance from God.