I often ask myself, “Am I being a good enough mom?” I’m sure many of you can relate. I always feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions, all at the same time. Lately, it’s been more on my heart. I need more time with them and less time of this and that.
Growing up, I learned to play my role. Go to school, do good in school, come home, eat dinner at a quiet table, get ready for the next day and repeat. Over and over again. That’s all I knew. I didn’t know what a deep and meaningful relationship was. I didn’t know I had a voice, an imagination or even an opinion.
I’ve been trying so hard to break out of that cycle, being on this end of the parent and child relationship. I want more for my kids than I had myself. More as in a voice, an imagination, and an opinion that I wish I had the opportunity to explore as a kid. I think as moms, we always want better for our kids. I like that I was so different from the culture that I knew. I always knew I was different.
I think because I see it from my point of view as far as not having what I mentioned above, my desire to raise my children in a loving and open environment often collides with my husband’s point of view as far as parenting styles. He’s more of a disciplinarian, which is great. Every child needs boundaries and discipline, but military, non reaffirming parenting is a complete turn off to me.
So, I’ve made more of an effort to spend one on one time with them. I came up with a neat idea and have designated their birth date as their special day every month. We get to do something special and fun. It gives them something to look forward to every month. This is especially helpful with the more kids you have.
I still need to balance the discipline part in. I’m not gonna lie. Disciplining my children is my weakness. I want to make sure my kids grow up to be responsible and well behaved citizens. And I also want them to know that I love them without judgement (something else I’m working on.)
I feel like God sent me the perfect message just the other day, which I am now excited to reflect back on. I was sitting next to a woman who’s children were all grown. She said, “It’s all worth it. The seeds you’re planting now. Just hang in there.” She said this as she pat me on the back, kinda like she knew my struggle.
Maybe we look for all the answers of how to be the best mom in the wrong places. I bet if we just mom from the heart, everything would turn out just fine.
