How Imperfect, How Important


I stepped out back for a breather. I needed to think. Thoughts of what I’m thankful for invading my mind. If I was to pick one thing to write about for this blog, what would it be? 

Our big black dog pranced towards me. He always assumes I’ll pet him or give him a hardy rub down, like I’m his BFF. I never do this. Ok, maybe occasionally. But, hardly ever.

Usually I shoo him away to send the message.

Lucky for me, today he sprawled out on the concrete avoiding me.

Chief is part lab, part rottweiler. So he looks like a lab with a wide head. Not that he has any more brains to fill it mind you. If you have a lab you may know they are pretty darn dense. Countless times he’s stepped on my foot, cut me off while walking or nonchalantly smacked into one of us.

I am not thankful for Chief.

Maybe it takes peeling back what you’re not thankful for to reveal what you are thankful for.

With Chief, he has helped me understand I’m not a pet person. I just like the idea of pets. Thanks Chief, for this new self awareness for future pet decisions… 

I retreated back inside the house. My kids were noisy and squabbling over a toy dinosaur. This is my life right now. Avoiding the situation, I grabbed my phone and slipped into the bathroom. Let them resolve their own issues I reasoned.

We recently redid what needed redoing in the bathroom. I’m so thankful. Now it’s so fresh and pretty. A happy place to sit and do your thing. Today, the toilet revealed a nice brown ring. Oh, gross, I sighed. And as a bonus, there cradled at the bottom lay a little logger with a robe of white paper floating peacefully around it.

So not thankful for dirty toilets but I guess I’m thankful a particular little boy finally figured out were to put his poo. Even if it means dirty toilets. They’re easier to clean than dirty undies. 

I pulled out the cleaner and brush, and quickly scrubbed the bowl. There. Clean. 

The kids were still at each other. After some harsh words about not getting along, I found another dinosaur and put it in Cali’s hands. She stopped fussing and looked confused at the toy I gave her. Typical one year old wanting only exactly what somebody else has. 

She wandered after me into the kitchen. “Let’s get some chicken nuggets out of the freezer for lunch,” I said.

After eating, stories, and placing the sleepy baby in bed, I herded my eldest up his buck bed ladder and then snuggled in the lower bed with Cali for naps. 

Every mom with littles is alleluia-sweet-Jesus thankful for nap-time. 

Lying in bed next to Cali, I realized I’m thankful I’m not pregnant anymore. Now I can lay on my back comfortably and roll over without popping a vein in my neck. I can’t lie on my belly yet though. Not yet. You know, because new born and nursing and boobs, ect., etc. So no. can. do. 

Settling down, Cali kicked me in my belly. After the third baby there remains more squish to kick in that particular region. Its like bread dough. Thanks to her foot bringing that to my attention.

Not thankful for the squish but it’s the only way to get these blessed babies here. The babies we pray for. The babies that push our dreams out into the our world, into our arms, landing between our bosom and right across our soft bellies. Who knew our pudge would be the perfect safe place for our babies to rest, close to our hearts.

We are soft. Softer inside and out. Soft to our people around us. Soft to hug and to hold. Hearts softened caring for our families. Nurturing and raising them up in the hope, security and belonging they need.

With Cali asleep and it mostly quiet above me, I silently slipped out into the living room.

Outside the window Chief chases a squirrel. Opening my laptop, I start working on this blog. Eager to get my thoughts down before they vanish. 

Cali will probably wake up after a while. Like usual she wakes up halfway through her nap. It’s super annoying. But, life with littles…

Sure enough, after some time I heard the door knob creak. I jumped up and beelined towards her, tackling her like a defense football player and spiraling her back into bed. All my warm fuzzy feelings towards her suddenly replaced with frustration. Why doesn’t she just stay sleeping? This goes on my not-thankful list. 

Looking back over my day there are so many little things that irritate and make me unkind; where I receive no appreciation in return. I see how imperfect my life and me really are. 

I can also see how important my life really is.  Naturally I’m keeper of these four walls and their upkeep – like our bathroom. But I’m honorably called to instill good character and morals in the lives of my children. 

Seeing these weary, sometimes boring and thankless moments each day with kids is something not to wish away or that it was different but something worth treasuring because time is short. We’re crafting the roots for these future adults. 

So, let’s hold each moment. Squeeze the life out of it with our soft arms before it’s gone forever. Never coming back.

Touch its face and be renewed with a sense of gratitude for your ordinary, imperfect and squishy life. That’s what I’m thankful for, this chance to be a mama.

And as far as our dog is concerned, I’m thankful he’s quite happy outside – away from me and my important life.