To the Mamas That Didn’t Get Their Birth
I wish I could sit down and write about the beautiful, supernatural births I had. But I can’t. My story is one of trauma and confusion, my children entered the world not the way I had intended and I mourn over it. Both of my deliveries were very hard the second one being the worst. If you want to take the time and read all the details of it, head on over to my blog.
After having my babies I was told, “At least your child is healthy!” But to me, that’s probably one of the worst things you could say to someone who had just been through hell and back. For sometime, I felt like I was somehow ungrateful for healthy children. I should be over what I had went through. But those sort of experiences never leave, they never stop hurting.
Having a healthy child doesn’t negate the fact that I lost my dream birth and that I am so sad over it.
Even years later I look back and think of all of the things that transpired during both my labors. I always wonder if I could have done something different, would it have changed anything? But wondering just makes me sick, so I have stopped wondering and started realizing that it is ok to be sad over a birth and those who tell you to get over it, are not in your corner.
Birth is just freaking hard. No matter if you get the birth that you wanted or didn’t. Chances are you went through something during labor or delivery that scared the living daylights out of you. No one’s trauma is bigger than anyone else’s.
Birth trauma can lead its self to PPD and PPA. It can hit you like a ton of bricks or it can creep up on you quietly two months later during a diaper change. If you feel like you maybe dealing with some sort of trauma surrounding your birth. Get help right away. Don’t struggle alone.
There are some local counselors here in the Waco area who specialize in helping sort through trauma:
- Jaja Chen Li: https://enrichmenttcs.com/counseling-solutions/trauma-counseling/
- Emma Woods: https://www.dremmajwood.com
- Postpartum Counseling: http://www.hotrmhmr.org
