8 Things People Need to Stop Asking Moms
Being a mom is exhausting, especially in the digital age. Whatever parenting decision you make, there will always be someone who disagrees with you. Even seemingly well-meaning questions can come off as condescending and rude. As moms, we deal with those types of questions a lot, so we are here to tell you 8 of them (and beg you to stop asking them).
- “If you’re here, who’s watching the kids?” This one is extra irritating because nobody ever asks the dad this question. Obviously someone is watching our kids. Maybe it’s dad, maybe it’s grandma, maybe it’s a daycare. One way or another, are kids are well taken-care of, so please don’t pile on to the already overwhelming guilt that can come from taking the occasional night off.
- “Is he/she sleeping through the night?” Uuuuugggghhhh. No. They are not sleeping at all. Please don’t make me dwell on it. I don’t have the extra energy to have a cry-fest today, since I haven’t slept in six months.
- For stay-at-home moms: “What do you do all day?” This question is bizarre. What do you think I do all day? How much do you pay the daycare to take care of your kids when you’re away? Do you think you’re paying them for no reason? I’m cooking, cleaning up the same mess six times, teaching my toddlers how to function as human beings, trying to get all the grocery shopping done, and breastfeeding every couple hours. Also I’m doing all of that while holding an infant. I manage to fill the days.
- For working moms: “How does that work? Where are the kids?” Again, why does nobody ask dads this question? I didn’t leave the kids home alone with the doors open, if that’s what you’re thinking. They’re fine.
- “Why don’t you just spank your kids when they act like that?” This is one of the biggest parenting debates of our time, and you never know where someone else falls on the scale. If you choose to spank your children, that’s your decision. Please just don’t assume that everyone else is on board. This also discounts disabilities like autism, which require a completely different mindset when it comes to understanding behavior and discipline. To put it simply: let people parent their own kids.
- Actually, any question that begins with “why don’t you just…” is probably a no-go. Unsolicited advice is pretty much always irritating. Unless we have that type of relationship (like with a mother or sister) then please don’t tell me how to handle my kids.
- “When do you want to have another baby?” The assumption that everyone with kids wants a whole flock of kids is bizarre. Each family is different, and should be allowed to make their own decisions when it comes to family size. The pressure to keep adding kids can be confusing and frustrating, so lets leave the speculation to the people who actually have to raise the kids.
- On that note: “When are you going to have a baby?!” This is the worst question you can ask, and although it technically applies more to hopeful moms-to-be, it’s important to address. Infertility and miscarriages are huge problems that affect more people than you might think. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their life, many of them more than once, and 1 in every 8 couples will struggle with infertility. When you walk up to a woman who has experienced multiple losses, or has been trying to get pregnant for 3 years, and say “why haven’t you had a baby yet?!” you are pouring salt on an already painful wound for hopeful mothers everywhere.