What It’s Really Like to Be a Young Mom

Being a young mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I won’t lie to you; for the first few months, “what if’s” clouded my vision. My life had suddenly taken a 360 degree turn, and everyone else’s seemed to just keep right on going. . . without me. Don’t get me wrong, I fell in love with my boys the instant I saw their tiny heartbeats on a screen. But when I was in labor, one of my best friends was going through a rough break up and I didn’t find out for months because she thought I would be “too busy” to talk. When I was a bleary-eyed, breastfeeding, new mom of twins, carrying two car seats with 4 week olds into their pediatric check up, all my college friends were starting their spring semester.

Thankfully, I learn quickly, and I have known from the beginning that I was made to be a great mom to my boys. That doesn’t make it any easier to be the youngest in all my mom groups, because they have so much more life experience. Rarely will an older mom look to the 20 year old for advice, even if my kids are older than hers and I have valid suggestions.

I have lost more friends than I imagined I would. Freshman year in college is a time to bond with people who are in close proximity; you live in the same dorm (also how I met my husband), you attend a club with a common interest, you have a class together. But the next year, you move off campus. You get really involved in whatever “your thing” is, and those convenient friendships from the first year fizzle out. But since I had to take a year and a half off to ensure a healthy pregnancy and then adjust to “mom life”, I missed that memo. A handful of best friends have stuck by my side, becoming “aunts” and “uncles” to my children. But it’s really hard to make new friends when you rush home as soon as classes are over because you’ve already missed most of your kids’ day, and you rarely leave the house on weekends because you have homework/a job/being a good wife/clean the house/etc. left on the to do list.

When I turn 21 in August, I will be legally considered an adult (finally). But now that I’m married with twin sons, that number doesn’t mean so much to me. That morning I will wake up and hear my toddlers babbling to each other, as always. I will cook breakfast for my perfect family of 4, and I will give 3 kisses as I head out the door to go to classes for the day. After noon, I will work on campus for 5 hours, attend one more class, and then rush home for bath time, cuddles, and a bedtime story. I will probably be in bed by 10, because the next day my husband and I switch roles.

Yes. My husband and I are both full-time college students with 1 1/2 year old twins. There are mixed reactions to this:

1. awe. “wow, you guys are amazing! I don’t know how you do it.” determination, sweat, and a lot of loving support from friends & family.
2. confusion. “wait, if you’re both students, how do you make money?” hello, personal question. Do you ask every mom you see how much money she makes, or where it comes from?
3. jealousy. “I wish I could finish my degree” or “I wish my husband had to take turns at home with the kids” you can do it, too! it is wonderful for my husband and I to share time at home with our littles, and also time outside the home doing something that inspires and excites us. But every family is different.

This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned as a young mom. There is no perfect timeline, no way to “be 100% ready” to have kids, and no “one size fits all” in family life. I raise my (non alcoholic) glass to all you mamas out there, young and old. We’re loving our families the best way we know how, and that’s all that matters.