After I miscarried in October, I wasn’t sure what would lie ahead. Maybe we were done having children. I wrapped my head around that possibility, but also kept my heart and mind open to more.
I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant with Baby #10. I’m an open-book regarding the fear I’ve faced this pregnancy. Part of my healing process were the words of many friends that have also miscarried. I talked to them and they shared that pregnancy after miscarriage was hard in so many ways, but it was also beautiful like never before.
When I found out I was pregnant, I committed to an “attitude of gratitude” versus a mindset of anything else. I continued to tell myself why I love being pregnant, even when it’s hard. I truly believe we can either feed our mind truth or lies, and whatever choice we make has a huge effect on our daily lives.
It is easy to complain when pregnant. “I am so tired…” – “I am so sick…” – “I am so frustrated…” – “I feel so anxious!” but complaining doesn’t really get us to the other side of the hard situation. It usually just makes it worse. I love pregnancy because even when it’s hard, I realize my mind is much tougher than I give it credit for. My mind directs and leads my body. I love that I can tell myself “Eat good food (when I really don’t want to eat anything)” or “Let’s get to the gym (even when I feel like a zombie)” and my body will respond. The balance between listening to my body and my mind is delicate, but I love that pregnancy requires me to tune in mentally, physically and emotionally.
I love being pregnant because I know there is a tiny life growing inside of me. Yes, I am nauseous and tired, but all of my energy is working towards building another human. It is a miracle! Thus, I love taking naps daily, saying no to other things and focusing on this season of taking care of myself and baby. I love that it is good to rest, to slow down and to not feel like I have to be everything to everyone.
It is hard knowing that tomorrow is not promised, whether for this baby or myself, but I love being pregnant because my faith is stretched. I love being reminded that there is a God, a God that loves me and my family more than I ever could. I love feeling the weight of so much responsibility, but then casting it on Jesus and knowing that I really have no control. I love how pregnancy forces me to pray for things like energy, strength and gentleness (those raging hormones are the realest). It’s easy to become self-reliant, but the hard things about pregnancy show me where I am weak. Relying on God gives me more and more faith, and for that I am forever in love.
Whatever you are walking through that feels hard, I am hoping you can find a few things to love about it. You will get to the other side and a renewed mindset helps us see that hard is not bad. Hard seasons, hard pregnancies and hard lessons often turn into the most beautiful stories of redemption.
With Love,
Johnna
